You don’t have to be better just to be.
You’ve probably heard the cliché “No one will love you until you love yourself.”
I don’t believe that’s exactly true. Think about it: You probably already love someone who doesn’t have a lot of love for themselves.
What I do believe is that the way we treat ourselves is connected to the way we treat each other, and the way we treat each other shapes the world we create.
You are told to love yourself but also taught to believe that you are not good enough as you are, that you cannot be fulfilled and successful at the same time, and that you always have to be striving to be BETTER.
What if loving yourself meant giving yourself permission just to BE?
You don’t have to be better just to be.
You’ve probably heard the cliché “No one will love you until you love yourself.”
I don’t believe that’s exactly true. Think about it: You probably already love someone who doesn’t have a lot of love for themselves.
What I do believe is that the way we treat ourselves is connected to the way we treat each other, and the way we treat each other shapes the world we create.
You are told to love yourself but also taught to believe that you are not good enough as you are, that you cannot be fulfilled and successful at the same time, and that you always have to be striving to be BETTER.
What if loving yourself meant giving yourself permission just to BE?
Allow yourself to be. Choose better for yourself.
Loving yourself isn’t about the need to BE better.
YOURSELF
When you love yourself, when you allow yourself just to be, you’re able to choose better for yourself.
EACH OTHER
When two people love each other, they allow each other to be fully themselves, and they’re able to choose better for the relationship.
Allow yourself to be. Choose better for yourself.
Loving yourself isn’t about the need to BE better.
YOURSELF
When you love yourself, when you allow yourself just to be, you’re able to CHOOSE better for yourself.
EACH OTHER
When two people love each other, they allow each other to be fully themselves, and they’re able to CHOOSE better for the relationship.
Love is a practice that can be learned.
I’m not talking about the feeling of love, which is sometimes readily available and sometimes hard to access, when you’re fighting yourself or someone else.
You can learn to practice love even when you don’t feel it for yourself.
You can practice love even when you don’t feel love for the other person.
You can feel love for each other and not know how to practice love for each other.
But you can learn.
Love is a practice that can be learned.
I’m not talking about the feeling of love, which is sometimes readily available and sometimes hard to access, when you’re fighting yourself or someone else.
You can learn to practice love even when you don’t feel it for yourself.
You can practice love even when you don’t feel love for the other person.
You can feel love for each other and not know how to practice love for each other.
But you can learn.
THE INNER WORK
Your relationship with yourself
If you’re struggling to love yourself, you may be experiencing:
- Harsh self-judgment or an inner critic
- Dwelling on the past rather than moving forward
- Feeling stuck in old patterns even after healing work
- People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
- Feeling disconnected from your needs and unable to name what you want
- Internal conflict or feeling torn between different parts of you
- Struggling with body image or identity
The inner work creates a stronger, kinder, more centered relationship with yourself, allowing you to make changes that fit your life and that make use of your unique mind and talents.
THE INNER WORK
Your relationship with yourself
If you’re struggling to love yourself, you may be experiencing:
- Harsh self-judgment or an inner critic
- Dwelling on the past rather than moving forward
- Feeling stuck in old patterns even after healing work
- People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
- Feeling disconnected from your needs and unable to name what you want
- Internal conflict or feeling torn between different parts of you
- Struggling with body image or identity
The inner work creates a stronger, kinder, more centered relationship with yourself, allowing you to make changes that fit your life and that make use of your unique mind and talents.
THE OUTER WORK
Your relationships with other people
If you’re struggling in your relationships, you may be navigating:
- Repeating conflict patterns in personal and professional relationships
- Resentment or distance in important relationships
- Feeling misunderstood, unheard, or not fully seen
- Difficulty setting or keeping healthy boundaries
- Loving someone but not knowing how to practice love well
- Difficulty maintaining relationships long-term
- Meeting resistance when communicating with someone who doesn’t agree with you
The outer work helps you build more honest, connected, fulfilling relationships – at home, at work, and in all areas of life.
THE OUTER WORK
Your relationships with other people
If you’re struggling in your relationships, you may be navigating:
- Repeating conflict patterns in personal and professional relationships
- Resentment or distance in important relationships
- Feeling misunderstood, unheard, or not fully seen
- Difficulty setting or keeping healthy boundaries
- Loving someone but not knowing how to practice love well
- Difficulty maintaining relationships long-term
- Meeting resistance when communicating with someone who doesn’t agree with you
The outer work helps you build more honest, connected, fulfilling relationships – at home, at work, and in all areas of life.
THE LIFE YOU CHOOSE
Love yourself.
Love your people.
Love your life.
When you stop fighting yourself and others, what becomes possible?
WAYS TO WORK WITH ME
Different paths. The same deeper work.
Individual or couples coaching, the work includes both inner work and outer work.
.
Individual Coaching
Explore the different parts of yourself, understand what they’re trying to accomplish, and learn to work with them rather than against them.
Practice moving from condemnation to curiosity, criticism to compassion, punishment to protection, and control to care — both within yourself and in your relationships with others.
Couples Coaching
Explore the parts of yourselves that show up in your relationship, especially when your needs, perspectives, or desires differ.
Learn to practice curiosity, compassion, protection, and care for yourselves, each other, and the relationship you’re building together.
WAYS TO WORK WITH ME
Different paths. The same deeper work.
Individual or couples coaching, the work includes both inner work and outer work.
.
Individual Coaching
Explore the different parts of yourself, understand what they’re trying to accomplish, and learn to work with them rather than against them.
Practice moving from condemnation to curiosity, criticism to compassion, punishment to protection, and control to care — both within yourself and in your relationships with others.
Couples Coaching
Explore the parts of yourselves that show up in your relationship, especially when your needs, perspectives, or desires differ.
Learn to practice curiosity, compassion, protection, and care for yourselves, each other, and the relationship you’re building together.
THE WOMAN BEHIND CENTERED SELF
I’m Heather.
For a long time I thought I had to design my coaching business around the things I’d done in my life: losing weight, coming out, surviving abuse.
What I’m building from now is my most important experience: learning to love myself.
At the center of all the work I want to do lies a person’s relationship with themself. I didn’t lose weight because I finally figured out how to stick to a diet or exercise plan. I lost weight because I chose to take care of myself. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and I knew I had to stop hiding.
I am not the kind of coach who will push you beyond your limits. I am trauma-informed, and trust and safety are my highest priorities. I take a kind approach so that you may learn to be kind to yourself.
My approach and experience
My influences, training, and experiences behind Centered Self
INFLUENCES
IFS- and NVC-Informed
Internal Family Systems (IFS) informs how I work with the different parts of ourselves, especially those that seem to be in conflict. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) informs how I explore the feelings and needs behind our behavior and communicate with greater understanding and compassion.
TRAINING
ICF and MTHS
I am an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and hold a Level 1 Trauma-Informed Coaching Certificate through Moving the Human Spirit.
EXPERIENCE
Loving Myself
I spent a lifetime fighting myself and ignoring what my own body was trying to tell me. My journey to loving myself fully began when I lost 200 pounds and came out as gay in my late 40s. I am still doing the work.
OUR COMMITMENT TO INCLUSION
Centered Self Integrative Coaching is explicitly anti-hate.
I am passionate about allowing people to be who they are, and I enthusiastically affirm your identity and your uniqueness. I can’t wait to get to know you.
I am a proud member of the queer community. I am learning to work with my own ADHD. I am not just LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent-affirming. I am you.
You are welcome to be yourself here.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Centered Self Integrative Coaching
The name Centered Self came from thoughts about the Self as described by IFS and the I Ching’s 61st hexagram, which speaks of the act of returning to yourself time and again.
My version of Integrative Coaching combines the Inner Work and the Outer Work and pulls from multiple modalities and experience.
AN IMAGE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Bird Over Water
My logo was created by my partner, Clare, and visually represents the client’s journey home to their center. The coach is the water providing the stillness needed for the bird’s difficult journey.
A bird flies low over water at sunset.
The water lends its stillness to the bird,
easing its flight home.
LET’S CONNECT
What would you like to make possible?
Whether you’re ready to explore coaching or just have a question, I’d love to hear from you.
Ready to talk?
Let’s explore what you’d like to work on and whether coaching together feels like a good fit