You don’t have to be better to do better.
Maybe you’ve spent years trying to fix the things about yourself that seem to make life harder.
You try to be more disciplined, more confident, less sensitive, less afraid. You try to be more like everyone else. You know what you want to do, but somehow you keep getting in your own way.
Maybe it’s your relationships. You love someone, but you keep having the same fights. You don’t understand why they react the way they do, or why you react the way you do.
What if you could grow without fighting who you are?
You don’t have to be better to do better.
Maybe you’ve spent years trying to fix the things about yourself that seem to make life harder.
You try to be more disciplined, more confident, less sensitive, less afraid. You try to be more like everyone else. You know what you want to do, but somehow you keep getting in your own way.
Maybe it’s your relationships. You love someone, but you keep having the same fights. You don’t understand why they react the way they do, or why you react the way you do.
What if you could grow without fighting who you are?
Coaching that makes room for all of you.
You are more than the sum of your parts, but you don’t have to have the whole thing figured out to start.
As a trauma-informed relationship coach, I offer a supportive, collaborative space that allows every perspective to be heard so that decisions can be made based on what’s best for the whole person, or the whole relationship.
FOR YOURSELF
You can bring the parts of yourself you’re proud of and the parts you wish were different. Bring your fears, your contradictions, your past experiences, and your hopes for the future. The goal isn’t to eliminate any of your parts but to make room for them all while choosing how to move forward.
FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Bring your arguments, your differences, the places where you’ve tried and failed to compromise. The goal isn’t to fix you or your partner, but to allow for the both of you while creating a relationship that works for you together.
Coaching that makes room for all of you
You are more than the sum of your parts, but you don’t have to have the whole thing figured out to start.
As a trauma-informed relationship coach, I offer a supportive, collaborative space that allows every perspective to be heard so that decisions can be made based on what’s best for the whole person, or the whole relationship.
FOR YOURSELF
You can bring the parts of yourself you’re proud of and the parts you wish were different. Bring your fears, your contradictions, your past experiences, and your hopes for the future. The goal isn’t to eliminate any of your parts but to make room for them all while choosing how to move forward.
FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Bring your arguments, your differences, the places where you’ve tried and failed to compromise. The goal isn’t to fix you or your partner, but to allow for the both of you while you create a relationship that works for you together.
A practice that works inside and out
A practice that works inside and out
THE INNER WORK
Your relationship with yourself
If you’re struggling with yourself, you may be experiencing:
- Harsh self-judgment or an inner critic
- Dwelling on the past rather than moving forward
- Feeling stuck in old patterns even after healing work
- Feeling disconnected from your needs and unable to name what you want
- Internal conflict or feeling torn between different parts of you
- Struggling with body image or identity
The inner work creates a stronger, kinder, more centered relationship with yourself, allowing you to make changes that fit your life and that make use of your unique mind and talents.
THE INNER WORK
Your relationship with yourself
If you’re struggling to love yourself, you may be experiencing:
- Harsh self-judgment or an inner critic
- Dwelling on the past rather than moving forward
- Feeling stuck in old patterns even after healing work
- People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
- Feeling disconnected from your needs and unable to name what you want
- Internal conflict or feeling torn between different parts of you
- Struggling with body image or identity
The inner work creates a stronger, kinder, more centered relationship with yourself, allowing you to make changes that fit your life and that make use of your unique mind and talents.
THE OUTER WORK
Your relationships with other people
If you’re struggling in your relationships, you may be navigating:
- Repeating conflict patterns in personal and professional relationships
- People-pleasing to the point of exhaustion
- Resentment or distance in important relationships
- Feeling misunderstood, unheard, or not fully seen
- Difficulty setting or keeping healthy boundaries
- Meeting resistance when communicating with someone who doesn’t agree with you
The outer work helps you build more honest, connected, fulfilling relationships – at home, at work, and in all areas of life.
THE OUTER WORK
Your relationships with other people
If you’re struggling in your relationships, you may be navigating:
- Repeating conflict patterns in personal and professional relationships
- Resentment or distance in important relationships
- Feeling misunderstood, unheard, or not fully seen
- Difficulty setting or keeping healthy boundaries
- Loving someone but not knowing how to practice love well
- Difficulty maintaining relationships long-term
- Meeting resistance when communicating with someone who doesn’t agree with you
The outer work helps you build more honest, connected, fulfilling relationships – at home, at work, and in all areas of life.
You get to be you.
You get to choose what’s next.
For yourself. For your relationships. For the life you want to live.
WAYS TO WORK WITH ME
Different centers. The same practice.
Individual or couples coaching, the work includes both Inner Work and Outer Work.
Individual Coaching
When you work with me individually, you’ll learn a new way of relating to yourself, something more kind and compassionate that allows for growth rather than forcing change.
You don’t exist in isolation, so we’ll also explore how to extend that compassion to others without letting go of yourself.
Couples Coaching
In couples coaching, we’ll create space for both partners to explore their individual experiences while also attending to the relationship as a whole.
What’s best for you? What’s best for your partner? What’s best for the relationship?
WAYS TO WORK WITH ME
Different centers. The same practice.
Individual or couples coaching, the work includes both Inner Work and Outer Work.
.
Individual Coaching
When you work with me individually, you’ll learn a new way of relating to yourself, something more kind and compassionate that allows for growth rather than forcing change.
You don’t exist in isolation, so we’ll also explore how to extend that compassion to others without letting go of yourself.
Couples Coaching
In couples coaching, we’ll create space for both partners to explore their individual experiences while also attending to the relationship as a whole.
What’s best for you? What’s best for your partner? What’s best for the relationship?
MEET HEATHER J. HEARN, ACC – FOUNDER OF CENTERED SELF
I’m Heather.
For a long time I thought I had to design my coaching business around the things I’d done in my life: losing weight, coming out, surviving abuse.
What I’m building from now is my most important experience: learning to love myself.
At the center of all the work I want to do lies a person’s relationship with themself. I didn’t lose weight because I finally figured out how to stick to a diet or exercise plan. I lost weight because I chose to take care of myself. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and I knew I had to stop hiding.
I am not the kind of coach who will push you beyond your limits. I am trauma-informed, and trust and safety are my highest priorities. I take a kind approach so that you may learn to be kind to yourself.
The practice is love.
I’m not talking about the feeling of love, which is sometimes readily available and sometimes hard to access, when you’re fighting yourself or someone else.
You can learn to practice love even when you don’t feel it for yourself.
You can practice love even when you don’t feel love for the other person.
You can feel love for each other and not know how to practice love for each other.
But you can learn.
Love is a practice that can be learned.
I’m not talking about the feeling of love, which is sometimes readily available and sometimes hard to access, when you’re fighting yourself or someone else.
You can learn to practice love even when you don’t feel it for yourself.
You can practice love even when you don’t feel love for the other person.
You can feel love for each other and not know how to practice love for each other.
But you can learn.
My approach and experience
My influences, training, and experiences behind Centered Self
INFLUENCES
IFS- and NVC-Informed
Internal Family Systems (IFS) informs how I work with the different parts of ourselves, especially those that seem to be in conflict. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) informs how I explore the feelings and needs behind our behavior and communicate with greater understanding and compassion.
TRAINING
ICF and MTHS
I am an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and hold a Level 1 Trauma-Informed Coaching Certificate through Moving the Human Spirit. My training has equipped me to be the safe, supportive space a client needs to explore. I am here to witness, not to guide.
EXPERIENCE
Loving Myself
I spent a lifetime fighting myself and ignoring what my own body was trying to tell me. My journey to loving myself fully began when I lost 200 pounds and came out as gay in my late 40s. I am still doing the work.
OUR COMMITMENT TO INCLUSION
All parts welcome.
Centered Self Integrative Coaching is explicitly anti-hate. I am committed to care for all.
I am passionate about allowing people to be who they are, and I enthusiastically affirm your identity and your uniqueness. I can’t wait to get to know you.
I am a proud member of the queer community. I am discovering how to work with my own ADHD. I am not just LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent-affirming. I am you.
You are free to be yourself here.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Centered Self Integrative Coaching
The name Centered Self came from thoughts about the Self as described by IFS and the I Ching’s 61st hexagram, which speaks of the act of returning to yourself time and again.
My coaching approach includes both Integration – re-orienting toward the whole – and Alignment – moving forward from the center.
AN IMAGE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Bird Over Water
My logo was created by my partner, Clare, and visually represents the client’s journey home to their center. The coach is the water providing the stillness needed for the bird’s difficult journey.
A bird flies low over water at sunset.
The water lends its stillness to the bird,
easing its flight home.
LET’S CONNECT
What would you like to make possible?
Whether you’re ready to explore coaching or just have a question, I’d love to hear from you.
Ready to talk?
Let’s explore what you’d like to work on and whether coaching together feels like a good fit